5 Simple Rules: The Proper Concert Etiquette

"Something has been lost!" I thought to myself as I made my way through the sea of people at a Bad Religion concert. Is it the lack of marijuana and alcohol smells that should be emanating from  every corner of the hall?

As I mulled thoughts through my head, I came to the conclusion that the unspoken rules at a performance, or proper concert etiquette as I like to call it,  have gone missing.  

With my newfound revelation, I set out to find the smartest and brightest minds among the hoards to figure out these standards and where they had gone. What follows is a slightly inebriated list of guidelines and rules of the show that outline proper concert etiquette.

These are the tacit laws that have been gradually diluted with time—and that need to be brought back. 

 

 

Rule 1: The No Band Shirt Rule

I believe Jeremy Piven said it best in the movie "PCU" where he played the quick-witted slacker. "What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy." 

Seriously, don't be that guy. It's fairly obvious that you like the band when you paid to see them in concert. Why not wear a shirt of another band you like that sounds similar to the one you're going to see? Its simply a tacky thing to do, so avoid it at all costs.

Atleast this way, when you walk up to that hot girl or guy standing awkwardly in the corner, you might finally have a conversation starter.

 

 

 Rule 2: Pre-show Music

This one is more of a superstition, but it has been around for as long as I can remember. Do not listen to the band you're going to see before you see them.

The logic behind this theory is that by listening to the band before the concert you will jinx them and they will play a bad show.

Now, some people believe that you should not listen to them at all during the course of the day of their show. I'm not as strict with this rule—I just don't listen to them on the ride to or while waiting outside of the show.

After the show, however, you can listen to them as much as your heart desires. 

 

 

 Rule 3: Proper Footwear

Wearing proper footwear is not only important for you as a concert goer, but also for the safety of your fellow concert goers. People like to fly into the audience, and let's face it: no one wants to get kicked in the face by twenty-pound combat boots.

I can't tell you how many times I have left shows black-eyed and bruised because some person thought it was a good idea to go flying through the air feet first with twenty-pound weights strapped to them. 

The next part is more for the ladies, but it can also apply to the guys out there-—the Jack Johnson, John Mayer fans. Wearing flip flops is possibly the worst idea ever.

Regardless of where you go, you will have to walk through a mine field of spilled beer and garbage—unless you're at a Cher concert, then it's probably just wine coolers and crumpled up menopause fliers.

If it's an outdoor show, there will be plenty of mud to walk through, so always think before you go moshing in your bunny slippers. 

  

 

Rule 4: The Pit

The code of conduct of the mosh pit could easily get its own drunken rant, so I will try to keep this as brief as possible. If anyone falls in the pit, pick them up so they don't get trampled.
Odds are that person is probably me. If someone loses something like a shoe or a pair of glasses, everyone should help and look for it.
Finally, if one of the members of the pit is being excessively violent, the group can eject him with any means necessary, usually with even more violence. 

 

 

 

Rule 5: Wear Clothes

It's simply unpleasant when a huge, gelatinous and more than likely beer-filled stomach  envelops your arm in what you can only hope is sweat. Why do people feel the need to be shirtless at a show? No matter how wrapped up in the music you are, a sweaty dude rubbing up against you will take you right out of the mood.

I remember watching the new Woodstock documentary that came out over the summer and thinking that there were way too many naked people for it to be enjoyable. Shana Stephens of SUNY New Paltz commented, "The only time it's mildly acceptable for a guy to be sweaty and shirtless is at the gym. But even then it's just not something I want to see." 

 

With all the Summer concerts ahead, whether it is John Mayer or Warp Tour, these are my rules for proper concert etiquette.