Weekly Horoscopes

Pisces (Feb. 19- March 20):
You will change your birthday party theme to “Family Guy.” Apparently some people were uncomfortable with “16 and Pregnant.”

Aries (March 21-April 19):
You will be amazed by the piles of snow outside, until you remember that it’s winter.

Taurus (April 20-May 20):
Your inner demons will insist that you’re crazy, but you’re too stubborn to believe them.

Gemini (May 21-June 21):
You will find your true love match on Chatroulette.com

Cancer (June 22-July 22):
While sitting in Academic I, you won’t be able to upload any site except for Myspace.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22):
After spending $1 at a club bake sale, you will see the same snack for 50 cents in the vending machine.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
You will spend more money photocopying textbook pages than it would have cost to actually buy the book.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Not only will you be late to class, but the RVs will fill up all the good parking spots.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Rihanna will ask you to help her and Jay Z run this town tonight.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
You will become protective of your mother after hearing Tiger Woods is out of rehab.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Somebody misses you. It’s probably that kid you whispered the answers to last semester.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Two tests on Monday and two tests on Tuesday. Sounds like "The Situation."

 
 

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