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Satire

SATIRE: Fluffy I Choose You!

Disturbing New Take on Animal Rights

The collectible card game mega-trends of the late 1990's have taken a horrible toll on the moral attitudes of today's young adults.

The card games in question are specifically limited to the "My animal versus your animal" variety. The rules of these games would require the child to select and then send their warrior-animal pet into battle, in an effort to defeat the chosen beast of a rival child.

 

 

Aliens, Get Out!

The aliens are sucking the life out of humans...literally

The subject of illegal aliens is a sensitive one. It is an issue that has many differing viewpoints that can inspire passions in some, and incite fear in others. But to ignore the problem that exists right in front of our faces, or to even deny that such a problem exists in the first place, would be a huge mistake—on all of our parts.

Come With Me if You Want to Live

A dependence on technology fosters the rise of the machines

"A few years from now, all this, this whole place, everything, it's gone. Just gone. There were survivors. Here, there. Nobody even knew who started it. It was the machines..."- Kyle Reese I was on my way to class one morning, when I stumbled upon a curious sight just outside the doors of Academic II.

The Drunk Phone Call and You

How to deal with that late night phone call from your belligerent friend

Electronic communication among human beings has become extremely simple. Gone are the days of switchboard operators, rotary dials, and roadside telephone booths. The need for number memorization, manual dexterity, and a pocket full of change are archaic concepts only the oldest of us can recollect.

bus

Transgressions on Mass Transit

Proper etiquette in dealing with your annoying bus buddy

Travelling alone can be an experience of self-discovery, that is, unless you plan on hitting the "open road" using the bus as transportation. Many find that the effort to "find" themselves is strongly diminished when they're forced to sit next to someone that they completely can't stand for a long period of time.

zombie

Zombie Sighting

"Zombie sightings" have been the talk of campus for the past two weeks. Starting on Oct. 10, there have been reported sightings of three "zombies" running around campus and screaming at innocent bystanders.

Up Close & Personal With Justin Bieber

Usually having a 12 year old sister is a terrible thing, but it's even more horrifying to be forced to take that same 12 year old sister to a Justin Bieber concert. Through a weird turn of events my sister and I ended up backstage with the man(if you can call him that) himself, Justin Bieber.

Slackers of the World UNITE!

It’s Time to Learn How to Eat Up Space When Writing Papers

When writing a paper on a procrastinator's schedule, it becomes increasingly important to make the work look not only un-rushed, but well thought out, because as you and I both know, the idea of doing your work in a timely fashion is completely ridiculous.

Facebook

Giving New Meaning To “Friend”

After nearly six months of exchanging witty bumper stickers and feeding each other's Farmville chickens, Facebook friends Christopher Burk and Evan Draughn decided to take their relationship one step further—by meeting in person. The online buddies, who traded friend requests after finding that they were in the same Math 102 class, were reportedly "psyched" about the planned meet-up and had decided via Facebook chat to "chill" in the Cultural Arts Center during their free time.

Club Hopping: A Way to Get a Free Meal on Campus

In our hectic life filled with school, relationships, extracurricular activities, and other time consuming projects, we often find that we don't have time to do the little things, like eat. What can we do about this problem? Well, you can take a trip to Wendy's or Subway and, again, risk showing up late to your next class.